


so so real

by bellarkeprincesss



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bellarke, Canon Universe, F/M, Little bit of angst, Radio Calls, The 100 (TV) Season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:15:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25985737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarkeprincesss/pseuds/bellarkeprincesss
Summary: A few minutes later, a knock raps at Clarke’s door. She wasn’t expecting anyone, so she jolts a bit but goes to open the door.It’s Bellamy. Clarke’s heart stops.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66





	so so real

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This fic is set right after the season 5 finale - Clarke and Bellamy woke up a small group from cryo and they are taking a few days to come up with a strategy for Sanctum before waking up the rest.

Bellamy closes the door behind him and steps out, duffle bag in hand. He turns right and walks down the hall of the ship.

As he walks farther and farther away, he feels a weight lifted off his chest, and relief washing over him. Once the relief registers, Bellamy cringes with guilt. He did care for Echo, but it just wasn’t it and he’d known it for a long time. 

If he’s being honest, It was over the second he found out Clarke was alive. And when Raven let it slip about Echo threatening Clarke, it was the last straw.

He told Murphy first. And maybe it was only because he needed a new room and somehow Murphy was put in charge of assigning. Even though they’d only woken up a small group of people from cryo, rooms were limited.

Murphy wasn’t shocked, he just murmured an, “Oh, sorry” and handed him the key to his new room. Bellamy shrugged and took it, thanking him.

He unpacked and settled in, laying down for a few minutes before he heard someone pounding on his door. “Bellamy! Open up!” Raven’s voice screeched.

Bellamy sighs, steps out of bed and opens the door. “Raven, I don’t want to hear it-”

“You broke her heart,” she pushes past him into his room.

Bellamy sighs, closing the door and turning to face her, arms crossed. “She almost killed Clarke,” he huffs.

Raven looks at him like he has five heads, “After Clarke left you to die!”

“Raven -”

“No, Bellamy, she chose to leave you to die -”

“So did I!” Bellamy yells.

Raven takes a step back, hands up, defensive. “That was different.”

“No it wasn’t, Raven. Have you taken a second to realize that Clarke was the one who saved our lives 6 years ago! She’s the reason we’re all still here, and you decide to betray her the second you see her again after all this time!”

“I-,” Raven stutters.

“No, I don’t even want to hear it.” He reaches for the door and opens it, silently asking her to leave. “It’s Clarke, Raven. You know that it always has been.”

Raven nods silently and steps past him. 

***

Sitting in the middle of the small bed in her room, Clarke pays careful attention to each stroke she makes with the pencil in her sketchbook. She feels content and comfy - wearing the grey sweatpants and sweatshirt she found waiting for her on the bed when she first walked in. 

Things have been quiet these last few nights, but Clarke is still happy with her decision not to wake Madi. She deserves to wake up to a peaceful place ready for her, not being thrown into the fear of the unknown.

She sits back and studies her drawing of Monty and Harper. It’s her memory of how they were back at Arkadia, never leaving the other’s side. Clarke takes extra care of the details in their faces - she never wants to forget them. This was a different type of loss for Clarke. She’d been through horrific losses, but never one where she got to see them live a full, long and happy life. To be honest, a part of Clarke is glad that they go to live in peace like they were always trying to achieve together. 

Clarke had envied Monty and Harper back then. She had wanted that with Bellamy, so desperately that her skin crawled with it. Right before she lost him, she had to bite back a confession.

Things still haven’t changed for her - every time he’s around, she just gravitates to him. She can’t help but remember a few days ago, the feel of his arm around her and her head on his shoulder as they stared out the bay window at a brand new planet waiting for them. Now, she gets a chill just thinking about his touch. 

On rare occasions like this, she lets herself think about everything she feels for him, and what could have been. Their connection has spanned through time and space and it almost buzzes between them. Clarke often feels a pang of guilt in her chest for thinking of him like this while he has a girlfriend, so she stops herself. It is not healthy to dwell, and she’s so grateful he’s even in her life at all. 

She continues drawing, eyes welling at the picture of her two lost friends.

***

Bellamy lays in bed on his back, with one hand under his head and the other resting on his stomach. Staring up at the blank ceiling, mind buzzing. 

The break up earlier today with Echo had caused all his pent up feelings burst, quite literally feeling his love for Clarke pump through him like blood and it twists his stomach. He can’t contain it anymore, and all of a sudden his head is clear and he knows what he has to do. Even if she doesn’t feel the same, she deserves the truth that he loves her but if she doesn’t, he would continue on as just friends if it meant he got to keep her in his life. 

He’s keeping a small piece of hope in his heart when he thinks about the radio calls Madi told him about. Bellamy is dying to know what she wanted to talk to him about during her time alone, and-

During that thought, he recalls that Clarke left him at the fighting pits to die. His heart sinks and a piece of hope shatters. Confusion sets in, not understanding how she can do a complete 180. All this back and forth has him going insane, he needs to find her and talk to her.

***

A few minutes later, a knock raps at Clarke’s door. She wasn’t expecting anyone, so she jolts a bit but goes to open the door. 

It’s Bellamy. Clarke’s heart stops.

One look in his wild yearning eyes and she knows this is the inevitable moment they’ve been avoiding. She casts her eyes down and hesitates a bit, frozen in the moment, then opens the door wider and he stalks in, trying to keep a controlled facade.

Bellamy walks straight into her room, facing away from her. Clarke closes the door behind her and watches him run a hand through his curly hair and take a deep breath.

He turns around, watery brown eyes piercing hers. “You left me to die in the fighting pits, but you called me on the radio everyday for 6 years,” Bellamy croaks with pain in his voice, unable to contain his hurt and confusion. 

“Bellamy….” Clarke whispers, closing her eyes. She can’t bear to look at those gorgeous brown eyes melting into hers with all the pain surrounding them. Caused by her. 

She covers her eyes with her hands and slightly shakes her head. Bellamy steps closer to her, until his hands are close enough to reach out and softly touch her forearms.

“Please tell me how that makes sense?” he begs and she has to look at him. His eyes soften, pleading with her, “Talk to me, Clarke. I want to understand, and make it better.” 

Her heart breaks a little at that. Clarke takes his hands in hers, ignoring the thought she has about how right it feels to hold him like this. She owes him the truth, and can’t physically hold the words back at this point. 

“You came back from space, and I was so happy. I’d missed you so much” her right hand reaches up to caress his face briefly and his eyes tear up. His cheeks nod frantically under her palm as he murmurs, “me too.” Clarke tries not to be affected by that breathless whisper and carries on her speech quietly. “I thought things would be as they were before Praimfaya, but…”

Clarke has to pause at that. It’s as if she’s snapped out of it. She can’t say what she really wants to say to him, he has a girlfriend for God’s sake. She won’t be that person. Dropping her hands, Clarke steps back and squares her shoulders, looking down, “But understandably our dynamic changed after years apart,” is what she offers him, detaching emotion from her voice. She looks back up at him. “We weren’t on the same page anymore, but that doesn’t mean I should’ve left you. Everyday I regret leaving you at the fighting pits,” her voice wavers a little bit on that sentence, almost giving herself away.

He’s an arm’s length away from her now, eyebrows creased a bit, searching her eyes frantically. “I’m so sorry that I put Madi at risk, and I hate myself everyday because I’m the reason she has demons inside her.” His eyes are laced with pain.

“Bellamy…” Clarke whispers, her watery eyes staring into his. She feels more vulnerable with every word he says. 

“I had to save you, Clarke. I couldn’t let you die again, when I had just gotten you back,” 

At that, she stiffens. Before this, she didn’t know it was possible for your heart to melt and your blood to drain from your body at the same time. 

Bellamy cocks his head to the side, not saying anything as he contemplates her sudden switch of emotions. He knows something’s off about that, “Clarke, please don’t shut me out… what aren’t you telling me?”

“It’s too late now, Bellamy, it’s not even worth saying,” she brushes him off. 

“It’s not too late and yes, it is worth saying,” he looks into her eyes. “I want us to go back to the team we were before Praimfaya. When we told each other everything,” Bellamy shrugs. He takes a step closer, almost up against her again. “I wish I heard your radio calls. I wish I could’ve heard you tell me you’re alive, and then talk to each other all the time about how to build lives without each other until we reunite. God, I’ve thought of it so many times these last few days.”

Clarke feels her skin crawling with hope, but pushes it down. Straight face. Girlfriend. “Bellamy, I don’t think Echo -” 

“Wait, please. I need to say this. If I had known you were alive, Clarke, everything would’ve been different.”

“Yeah, I mean, same here. Would’ve been nice to know you all didn’t die -” She cuts herself off when he takes her hands so softly.

Her eyes look at their hands, then come up to meet his eyes, filled with something she’s not allowing herself to hope for. “Clarke. What I’m saying is that I would’ve waited for you. I broke up with Echo. You can’t tell me that you and I didn’t have something before Praimfaya. That hasn’t gone away for me, it never did.”

Clarke is speechless at that moment.

“I thought I lost you, then got you back, but I thought you hated me after the fighting pits. But, when Madi told me about the radio calls I just felt confused - my heart also soared - so please, say something,” Bellamy pleads, eyes piercing into hers.

Everything she had kept bottled up came spilling out. “I was so excited to be near you again, and thought everything would fall right back in place - thought that we would too. Then when I first saw you with her…” She looks at him, eyes watering, “Bellamy, of course we had something before Praimfaya! You were my everything - then you came back with a girlfriend and I was heartbroken. Of course I am so glad you were happy on the ring. But I was heartbroken and left you there and that was the worst decision I’ve ever made.”

His eyes are watery and he’s speechless - processing. She stares into them as she catches her breath a bit. She squeezes his hands, “Bellamy I am so sorry. My heart took over my head, but I should have been there for you. You’re still so important to me Bellamy, nothing’s changed there for me either.” Clarke’s heart is in her throat.

They stare at each other like idiots for a second, eyes clearing and becoming determined. He beams at her, then dips down to pull her into a kiss. It’s passionate and hungry, exploring each other with their hands. They’re both smiling as they kiss, so it’s a little messy but he loves it. He loves her. Bellamy pulls back.

“Clarke... I love you so much,” he states with a wrecked voice. “You’re everything to me, you always have been,” he rests his forehead against hers and his hands on the back of her neck.

“I’ve loved you for so long, Bellamy. God, finally,” she slams her lips back into his and he chuckles as he kisses her back. Clarke guides him to her bed and as he takes a seat Clarke stays standing, running her fingers through his hair. He rests his chin on her stomach and looks up at her blue eyes. “Is this real?” Clarke asks.

“So so real, baby,” Bellamy confirms as he pulls her into his lap.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This was my first fic, so please leave a comment if you enjoyed :)


End file.
